Selfish with "MY" time

Learning how to spend my time in a way that aligns with my values is a consistent process. Every year I get a little better as choosing my “yes” and my “no.” Because for every “yes” we say, we are actually saying “no” to something or someone else.

I have two adult children, and they are in the throws of leaning the rhythms of what it means to work hard, carry more responsibility, and still leave room to refill themselves and love others. About a year ago, one of my 24-year olds came home after she has gone to  class, spent time with a friend, had a dinner out, and ran a few other errands. She came to my husband and I, after we finished our small group for the night, and said, “There is never time for us to hang out and talk. When are you free this week?” 

My husband responded with, “What’s on your mind? Right now works... We don’t always have to set a scheduled time to talk about the day, it can happen in the passing time too.” 

Then she said, “Well, I have homework to do and I want to go to bed since I have to wake up super early tomorrow.” 

I heard this all from the kitchen and couldn’t help but see see the irony. She wanted to spend time with us, but only in her timing. She wanted it to look a specific way and fit her ideal schedule.  But before I got too critical in my head, I quickly turned that perspective on myself. I thought of how many times that day or that week I, had brushed someone off who was interrupting me from a task or asking for something of me that was not in my ideal schedule. In fact, a few hours earlier, I had a half-present conversation with this same daughter because I felt rushed to get dinner ready for the group of people coming over that night.  I have also lost count of the number of times I tell my 5 and 6-year olds some variation of, “hold on, mommy’s doing (insert chore here), you need to be patient.” Now don’t get me wrong, I know it is not always wise for me to drop everything for everyone… and there is truth in the fact that my kids need to learn to be patient. There is also truth in the fact that we need to move our schedules to fit with those we love. But a bigger truth is that my actions will always show what is important to me and what I really value.

Whenever I am so possessive of MY time that I devalue, ignore, or put off those I love, I am being selfish and likely proud at the root. I am basically telling that person, everyone else, and God “what I am doing right now is more important than you.”  In actuality, there are very few things in this world more important than people. As a Christ follower, the way I treat people displays God in a positive or negative light.  Why do you think the mainstream culture can point to Christians as being hypocritical? Because so many people have been ignored, mistreated, disrespected, or had broken trust with a Christian. I know we cannot be perfect all the time, but the bible is pretty clear, “ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35, NIV).  It also says. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves (Phil 2:3, NIV). When we take TIME for people, they notice. When we allow ourselves to be “interrupted,” we are able to display what Christ did with many people who He healed along the road.

A new habit I am forming is to whisper to myself this reminder when I feel annoyed or inconvenienced: “People are more important.” I actually took if from my own parenting line! Since the kids were walking, I have said, “Remember, people are more important than iPads (or toys...or basketball…) make sure you say goodbye.” So I just shorten it for myself as a reminder. And if I ever forget, I have a very vocal 6 year old who will remind me and hold me accountable! He has reminded me that he is more important than doing dishes, and he even said the other day, “You know mommy, people are more important than homework, I should really be playing with my friend since he is here right now.” (And you know what son, I couldn’t disagree with you on that one in reality… but I also didn’t go into the responsibility speech with you because I will let you enjoy being 6. Furthermore, forming the truth that people ARE more important than what the world defines as success is much more foundational than homework…but we aren’t going there now). 

“Leave people and places better than you found them.” That means we attend to them, we challenge the status quo, we are willing to get uncomfortable with time, energy, or even conflict to truly better the situation.

I used to tell people I could not do things because “I’m too busy.” That was even before having four kids in two years.  About a year after all our kids joined the family, I realized people had stopped asking me to do things. So I made a decision that I would not say that I was “too busy” again.  I would say “Yes, let’s find a time!” or “No.” I have to fully accept that I WILL make time for what is important to me. I just have to be aware of what my actions are showing. 

Sometimes I make good choices with my time, and sometimes I don’t.  Sometimes I purposely choose family over work, and other days I purposely choose to work late and invest there.  Some days I choose to drop everything and serve someone else, and other days I choose to rest and pour into myself so that I have the energy to give more. But at the end of the day if I can answer these two questions with a yes, I know it was a great day. 

1. “Did I do the best with what I had today?”

2. “Was I present and loving to those I was around?”

These questions are usually a good gauge for me to know if I am on the right track and living out my values, or if I want to make different choices with my time tomorrow.  

So, how will you spend your time today? Will it be self- focused or other’s focused? Will you be willing to be interrupted and love well? Will we love well in the midst of your seemingless endless tasks? Will we value people and think of their schedule and needs beyond your own? Relationships can only be as deep as the level of investment someone is willing to give. Where are we investing out most valuable asset?

Remember, “People are more important than…” you fill in your blank here and it will probably fit well.