Black History Month in a Biracial Home

I got to admit, MLKJ day makes conversations interesting at my house with two five-year-old brothers with different skin tones. This is the first year the kids have initiated conversation and while they are necessary, the questions remain: how much do I divulge? What are they “ready” to understand?  How realistic do I depict things? How do I respond to their questions and comments?

Parents who are raising children of color know these questions “are inevitable,” and that “We have to teach them what they need to know.” But I would contend that it does not matter what the skin tone of our children is, we as parents must educate our children on the treatment of people and our nation's history. If we don’t, society, peers, media, and everything else will.

My kindergartner has been coming home each day with new little tidbits about Martin Luther King Jr and what he understands of the Civil Rights Movement.  I asked more questions than I gave opinions at this point because I want to hear his personal thoughts. Here are a few snippets of our conversation from Wednesday night while his brother was in the shower.

“Mom, back in Martin Luther King Jr- when he was alive- the brown people had to sit in the back of the bus, and the white people sat in front.”

“Yes son, that is true. What do you think about that?”

“I don’t like it.”.... “There were schools for white people and different schools for brown people too.” he said with a sense of telling me some new and interesting piece of information.

“Yes, that is also true- that did happened.” I was trying to gauge how to respond in a way that would make sense and be clear. I know that my words carry a great weight with his development and what I say at this stage can far outweigh the teacher, so I didn’t go in full force. “How do you feel about that?

“It makes me feel sad.” After a short pause he said, “There are a lot of white people in my class… there are only a few brown people.” Then he paused but was still clearly pondering so I let him fill the silence first. “I think if I would have been alive then I would have kinda fine because my best friend is dark white, and I am light white, so we would still be able to go to the same school.”

I couldn’t stop myself from what I said next, “What about your brother?” (or a ton of your other friends for that matter).

“Oh,” he said in a lower tone and a look on his face I can’t even explain in words.  Several different emotions crossed this cute little face in a moment. “That’s not OK.” He said quietly.

“It is not OK son, you are right.”

While the conversation went on for a little bit more, I think you get the idea.  Afterward, I kept replaying to conversation, “did he even think his brother was different until I said something? Did I say too much? Too little? I really want him to know the dirty truth and the way that God wants us to treat people, so I can’t shy away from this, I have to hit is head on.”

Now I could keep worrying about it all, or I could spend pages and pages talking about the many layers of the complex and systemic problems presented in this one short exchange by a small child, but I won’t... today at least.

Today I am claiming the importance and urgency of educating my family. I am owning my part in educating my children on what living in a God honoring way looks like in regard to treatment of people. I commit to taking on issues like race, equity, family, and history to the extent they are able to understand and process.  I commit to finding a way to show my boys that “NO MATTER WHAT, you stand up for each other! You stand up for yourself or ANYONE who is being unjustly treated, in a way that honors God and demonstrates grace, love, and truth.” While both my kids are in different places as it relates to their understanding of equity and human rights, I want to be the one who is demonstrating first hand what I want them to know and live out. That way, when the conversations come, there will be fewer words needed because action has been so entrenched.

I am not totally aware there will be many conversations to come, and thousands of topics to broach. I commit to lean into the hard topics, be educated on significant matters, and listen to those who have lived it and are still living it. I want to raise my children in a way that honors God first, and who He has created each of them to be. Today and everyday from here I will do the one thing I can, commit to growth myself so that I am capable to guide my children through the complex world they live in. I will do the best I can with the information I have and when I mess up, I will revisit and try again. “Easy” is not a word used often when it comes to raising kids, but that is OK, because I am confident that people can “do hard things.” So if you are raising children or not, lets commit to raise up and educate those around us, speaking truth with love.