Who's Expectations

Recovery phrase. Expectation Is just resentment waiting to happen

When a new romance (or job) begins, each side is filled with a plethora of hopes, dreams and expectations. The funny thing is though, all to often, we do not know what we are expecting until we are pleasantly surprised or disappointed.

I recently talked to a friend who is an amazing woman of God. She deeply desires to be married, but it is not happening in her timeframe. While there have still been men who pursue her, nothing has ever stuck. In the meantime, she has been growing in leaps and bounds! She has become more faith-filled, assertive, brave, and even more comfortable being uncomfortable with a discomfort that is rooted in obedience to God.

A little while back another man began his pursuit.  It did not take them long to start deep and meaningful conversations.  One day they began talking about the difference between having a stagnant relationship with Christ and a growing one.  In talking to her after that conversation I got the feeling that she was putting her expectations on him. So I asked her this.

“Do you want him to meet the desires and expectations YOU have for him (or your future husband), or do you want him to the meet the desires that GOD has for him?”

It was not a question I really expected an answer to at that moment because, obviously, she knew the “right” answer. The real question was, what was the “honest” answer?

I want to let that sit for a second as you look at the expectations you have for people.  I want to let this sink in a little deeper because we fill our lives and our relationships with expectations on a moment by moment basis. We have expectations for ourselves, significant other, kids, peers, bosses, subordinates, and even daily situations! Don’t believe me? Well, then what upsets you or disappoints you? Because that is the evidence that someone or something is not meeting an expectation you had.

Now, expectations alone are not a bad thing, but we have to be aware of them and keep them in line. When we get to a place where our desires or expectations are the most important thing we actually step into the role of god of our life and the life of whoever else we expect things from!  We often place our desires above God as well, and we need to be careful when we start to expect God to do things our way.  All of this is pride or ignorance. How do I know? Because I currently live in the daily battle to submit my ways to the Lord and let him direct my paths (Prov 3:5-6). I have seen that is takes extreme humility to learn and to be curious about ways outside of my scope or imagination.  I am living the daily prayers of scripture: “To lose my life for God’s sake so that I may find it, (Matt 10: 39 ), to “deny myself and take up my cross daily and follow God” (Luke 9:33), and to have God “Search me [thoroughly], and know my heart; Test me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. ” (Psalm 139:23-24). I am constantly filling my mind with the truths that God is good and he makes good happen, and his definition of good might look very different from the worlds definition of good. (see Isaiah 55:5-7, Philippians 1:6, Romans 8:28, Matt 5:44-46).

Are your expectations and desires for yourself or someone else actually limiting them from what God wants for them?

Is our view of greatness SO influenced by the world and people around us that we cannot see God’s great plan?

Is someone’s expectations of you limiting what you see God can do in you and through you?

Because here is a reality, when we know the expectations of someone we love, it is so easy to focus on fulfilling their expectations- even if they are not healthy.  So, instead of focusing on what others may expect of us, we need to relentlessly focus on the things that God wants for us so that we can go beyond our own expectations and toward His. And this is a daily, even hourly task.

But what does God desire of us? That is the right question! He says he wants us “To do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8) and to “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations [help the people to learn of Me, believe in Me, and obey My words], baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always [remaining with you perpetually—regardless of circumstance, and on every occasion], even to the end of the age” (Matt 28: 19-20).

Put simply, God desires for us to seek him, humbly walk in his power, and reach others for the Kingdom of God. As my husband puts it plainly, “Make disciples and be obedient in the process.”

If you are finding yourself in a space where you are constantly upset, find out what expectations you have that are not being met. If those expectations are from the world or are unhealthy or unrealistic, feel free to leave them behind and pursue the scriptures to find out what righteous expectations are.  

If you are in a space where your relationships are hurting and broken because people are not meeting the expectations set on one another, ask God to change you first to be the person He wants you to be. Because let’s be realistic, we cannot change people, only God can.  Once we have God’s heart for people, we will humbly and ungrudgingly pray for them to be attuned to God’s teaching. Ultimately it is not our actions that will change someone, that is a personal choice by the other person weather or not they listen to God.

More than anything though, trust God and his refining process. Lean into Him with a spirit of humility and ASK Him what he wants you to learn, to do, how to act, and what to say. He is faithful to the end!