It is true when a fire fighter, military, police officer, or other first responder dies in the line of duty, the whole community grieves the loss and is somewhat rattled by the reminder that death is a reality in their line of work. This is a very sobering reminder, but each man and woman who enters a career in the defense of others knows that there is a very real danger of being injured or killed in the line of duty.
Read More
Recovery phrase. Expectation Is just resentment waiting to happen
When a new romance (or job) begins, each side is filled with a plethora of hopes, dreams and expectations. The funny thing is though, all to often, we do not know what we are expecting until we are pleasantly surprised or disappointed.
I recently talked to a friend who is an amazing woman of God. She deeply desires to be married, but it is not happening in her timeframe. While there have still been men who pursue her, nothing has ever stuck. In the meantime, she has been growing in leaps and bounds! She has become more faith-filled, assertive, brave, and even more comfortable being uncomfortable with a discomfort that is rooted in obedience to God.
A little while back another man began his pursuit. It did not take them long to start deep and meaningful conversations. One day they began talking about the difference between having a stagnant relationship with Christ and a growing one. In talking to her after that conversation I got the feeling that she was putting her expectations on him. So I asked her this.
“Do you want him to meet the desires and expectations YOU have for him (or your future husband), or do you want him to the meet the desires that GOD has for him?”
It was not a question I really expected an answer to at that moment because, obviously, she knew the “right” answer. The real question was, what was the “honest” answer?
I want to let that sit for a second as you look at the expectations you have for people. I want to let this sink in a little deeper because we fill our lives and our relationships with expectations on a moment by moment basis. We have expectations for ourselves, significant other, kids, peers, bosses, subordinates, and even daily situations! Don’t believe me? Well, then what upsets you or disappoints you? Because that is the evidence that someone or something is not meeting an expectation you had.
Now, expectations alone are not a bad thing, but we have to be aware of them and keep them in line. When we get to a place where our desires or expectations are the most important thing we actually step into the role of god of our life and the life of whoever else we expect things from! We often place our desires above God as well, and we need to be careful when we start to expect God to do things our way. All of this is pride or ignorance. How do I know? Because I currently live in the daily battle to submit my ways to the Lord and let him direct my paths (Prov 3:5-6). I have seen that is takes extreme humility to learn and to be curious about ways outside of my scope or imagination. I am living the daily prayers of scripture: “To lose my life for God’s sake so that I may find it, (Matt 10: 39 ), to “deny myself and take up my cross daily and follow God” (Luke 9:33), and to have God “Search me [thoroughly], and know my heart; Test me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. ” (Psalm 139:23-24). I am constantly filling my mind with the truths that God is good and he makes good happen, and his definition of good might look very different from the worlds definition of good. (see Isaiah 55:5-7, Philippians 1:6, Romans 8:28, Matt 5:44-46).
Are your expectations and desires for yourself or someone else actually limiting them from what God wants for them?
Is our view of greatness SO influenced by the world and people around us that we cannot see God’s great plan?
Is someone’s expectations of you limiting what you see God can do in you and through you?
Because here is a reality, when we know the expectations of someone we love, it is so easy to focus on fulfilling their expectations- even if they are not healthy. So, instead of focusing on what others may expect of us, we need to relentlessly focus on the things that God wants for us so that we can go beyond our own expectations and toward His. And this is a daily, even hourly task.
But what does God desire of us? That is the right question! He says he wants us “To do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8) and to “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations [help the people to learn of Me, believe in Me, and obey My words], baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always [remaining with you perpetually—regardless of circumstance, and on every occasion], even to the end of the age” (Matt 28: 19-20).
Put simply, God desires for us to seek him, humbly walk in his power, and reach others for the Kingdom of God. As my husband puts it plainly, “Make disciples and be obedient in the process.”
If you are finding yourself in a space where you are constantly upset, find out what expectations you have that are not being met. If those expectations are from the world or are unhealthy or unrealistic, feel free to leave them behind and pursue the scriptures to find out what righteous expectations are.
If you are in a space where your relationships are hurting and broken because people are not meeting the expectations set on one another, ask God to change you first to be the person He wants you to be. Because let’s be realistic, we cannot change people, only God can. Once we have God’s heart for people, we will humbly and ungrudgingly pray for them to be attuned to God’s teaching. Ultimately it is not our actions that will change someone, that is a personal choice by the other person weather or not they listen to God.
More than anything though, trust God and his refining process. Lean into Him with a spirit of humility and ASK Him what he wants you to learn, to do, how to act, and what to say. He is faithful to the end!
Love of the human heart is so fickle. Let me explain. The other day my husband and I were both busy with work, supporting each other around the house and trading turns with the kids who were out of school for the day so we could both get some work done before a BBQ we were having that night. By the end of the night we had communicated on the necessities alone and tossed in a few “thank you’s” and “I love you’s.” All in all, we were serving each other pretty well. But near the end of the day I had a thought, “I would like to have more meaningful conversation with him, but I know he is busy and likes a moment to rest at the end of a long day, so I will wait to communicate that need and all the other thoughts in my head so I am considerate of his time.” Well, for whatever reason a few hours past and that thought turned into, “I have too much to say and I’m
SURE he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say anyway.” So I started acting like that was true (even though he had no clue about any of it) and giving him a version of the cold shoulder. So instead of having the thoughtful mutually beneficial conversation I thought about earlier, we both ended up speaking, well, not so kindly to one another.
Well, the next day I was still processing the whole thing and this is what God showed me. I need to love in HIS power and not my own. 1 Corinthians 13 is so important to know and live in this day and age. So I am intentionally putting the WHOLE chapter here for you to read.
“If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Love is an interesting beast: some people say it is a noun, and others a verb. But 1 John 4 tells us “God is love” and that he “made manifest” Love through the sacrifice of Jesus. A little later in John 4, we see that “perfect love casts out all fear” and we should not fear judgment, punishment of loss, but instead love others in return.
We were created in God’s image and if “God is love” than we too should be love. But what is love? Love is the purposeful seeking of someone else's’ benefit. Like 1 Corinthians said before, it is not selfish or self seeking. We do not know perfect love on earth without Christ. Christ perfected Love for us. When we try to love on our own strength it is temporary at best. We do have the ability to love, to put others needs before our own with the intent of only bringing them joy, but it does not take our flesh but a few minutes, maybe hours if we are lucky, before we get back to keeping that record of how people should treat you because of “all you have done for them!”
Love in its pure form is only attainable through the power of Christ Jesus. But we can move towards that as soon as he is present in our lives! At the moment we “confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lords believe in our hearts that God raised him from the dead” Jesus comes and joins us and the Holy Spirit comes to be home with us. With the Spirit, we are promised that we “are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (2 Cor 3:18).
What a powerful thought. True love is meant to be given and received every moment of every day. Think for a second the moment in life you felt the absolute MOST loved, even if it lasted a moment. Now, think of that for eternity- that is how God created us to be with Him and ALL others. So, yes, our world is a broken mess- but we no longer have to be if we allow the perfect love to cast out all fear and renew us, restore us, and redeem us.
So because of Jesus in us, we do not have to argue with our spouse about the little things or rail against everything the way that world does in this polarized society. Instead, we can “speak the truth in love,” meaning we only speak the truth when we are speaking out of genuine concern for the other person, not out of anger, proving a point, competitiveness, bitterness, rage, envy, hurt or any other emotion than love. I don’t fully know what that looks like on a practical daily level, but I do know it does NOT mean to keep your mouth shut on everything. Instead it makes me want to check my heart. Am I looking to edify the person, relationship, or situation or am I creating or adding fuel to a destructive fire?
“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences” (Prov 18:20). So my personal thought is DANG! Love is amazing and I SO BADLY misuse it or misrepresent it. Then I am reminded we are not to live in the failures, but to continue to be transformed into christ’s image. So my next thought falls to this: how can I reciprocitate God’s unconditional and eternal love SO THAT I can give it away to others?
How are we supposed to love with truth in the world we currently live in? I am so encouraged to study the Bible wherever it talks about truth and love so that I can better equip myself to navigate the chaos of the world in a God honoring way. Let’s lean into acting the way Jesus would want us to in the real world and online. Let us be thoughtful when we are posting and commenting and let's let our words be “ always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:6).
It is my mission to equip and empower people to be refined by Jesus as a catalyst to change the world where they are.
Sharing stories and experiences is one of the ways humanity learns best. We would love to hear your stories! Place comments on blogs or reach out to us personally. We all have a story to tell and a message to spread. We would love to help you share yours.
A Lament is “a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.” In both classical and modern culture they are often penned as poems or sung to melodies. However, true lament is felt in every fiber of our flesh, every expression of our emotion, and often communicated in incomprehensible utterances.
Years ago my husband walked into the hospital moments before our friend’s elementary age son was pronounced dead. From down the hall, the sound of a mother's true lament echoed off the cold, bare walls.
There are many wounds- physical, emotional and spiritual- that fester, worsen, and spread if not dealt with appropriately.
A boil is a minor physical wound known to fester. In the technical sense, a boil is a painful infection of a hair follicle and the surrounding skin. It begins as a red lump, then fills with pus as white blood cells rush in to fight the infection (I asked Google). But even minor wounds ignored or inappropriately treated can have major consequences. The longer we go without proper treatment, the larger the risk for further damage.
If we were in a climbing group up Everest together and I fell into a real icy crevasse, I hope you would not say, “serves her right,” or shrug it off with an, “She must have not taken the right precautions.” I hope you would approach the gap and see if I was OK, “Are you there? Are you breathing? Bleeding? Can you move?” All of these questions are much more helpful starting points. Would I have a chance to survive? Would you offer help? Through me a line? Would you climb down there with me attached to your safety harness in order to pull me out? Would you sit at the top and cheer me on and tell me I could do it if I just kept working hard enough? Would you expect me to get myself out since I fell in there all on my own?
Have you ever had a yelling match with God? Has your pain, desperation, or anguish been so deep that the words either come out in choked sobbs or blood curdling screams? What was it for you? Was it the loss of a loved one? A tragic accident, a misarriage, or a betrayal? Was it watching someone you love suffer?
The other day the boys and I were driving home from “chalking” a friend’s house. With everyone “safer at home” these days, we can’t play with our friends, but we can show them some love. Anyway, one of my boys looks at me and out of nowhere says, “Mom, I know an option of what will make me whine less. If you just give me whatever I want, I would not need to whine anymore!”
“Interesting thought son” I said with a little chuckle “Well, if I give you EVERYTHING you want right now, you will basically be a horrible human later and probably won’t have any friends-- So I am willing to put up with some whining now so that way you are a good human later.”
And without hesitation, he responds ever so logically: “Well mom, I am just saying it IS an option.”
Who is this kid? I just have to laugh! “Yes, you’re right, it IS an option- but not one I am choosing.”
I miss the women I coach today. We were just starting the main section of competition when college sports was shut down, Universities went to online platforms, and students went home. It all happened so fast. I love my job, and I am reminded yet again, just why I love it so much. As a coach, I get to see the daily process of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of people that impact their success of failure. Not only that, I get to help them define success, reframe difficulty, overcome challenges, and learn to thrive. I see the best and worst of my athletes, and they see the best and worst of me!
Sometimes I help people solve problems, and sometimes I “cause” problems- on purpose- but not in a malicious way. When I create obstacles, uphold standards, give test sets, and create competition I can see who is in a state to overcome and who is in a state to succumb…
I went to drop off a birthday present to my friend the other day and was like, “I’ll just drop it here and when I walk away you can pick it up.” Social distancing totally sucks!
But what is the silver lining and the learning?
I have a six year old who has been keeping me accountable since he could speak. Does anyone else have a kid like that?! He throws my own one liners right back at me!
Sometimes it can be so frustrating when I have to take my own advice…so what do we do then?
What defines a man or woman?
As we watch the response to the sudden death of Kobe Bryant, it gives everyone impacted by his life an opportunity to pause and think about what is really important and what truly defines us.
I got to admit, MLKJ day makes conversations interesting at my house with two five-year-old brothers with different skin tones. This is the first year the kids have initiated conversation and while they are necessary, the questions remain: how much do I divulge? What are they “ready” to understand? How realistic do I depict things? How do I respond to their questions and comments?
Dreams deferred are never fun, they can weigh on us and even haunt us, but here is a story about how there can still be purpose and promise in the waiting.
I got to admit, MLKJ day makes conversations interesting at my house with two five-year-old brothers with different skin tones. This is the first year the kids have initiated conversation and while they are necessary, the questions remain: how much do I divulge? What are they “ready” to understand? How realistic do I depict things? How do I respond to their questions and comments?
I was recently traveling with my husband to a conference. Since we fly Southwest he has a habit of leaving me, the rule follower, at boarding time to see if he can board earlier than his boarding pass allows. (It is like a game to him… insert my eye roll here.)
Here I was, leaving California, joining the herd toward the boarding line. I made one of those little connections with the kind woman, close to my age, who was next to me. We both became fixated on the gymnastic competition displayed on the wall TV. Just then, an older white woman came up to us asking what numbers we were in the cue.
Powered by mybucketofideas
Learning is living and I like living, so I admit I will always be in process. Here is a little something I am learning this week.